What Really Happens in a Somatic Sexology Session?
“We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal. I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us towards living in a fundamental way.” -Audre Lorde
“So… What even is Somatic Sexology + Sexological Bodywork? and What does a typical session look like?”
I’ve heard this question often since relocating to Ireland from Northern California (the birthplace of Sexological Bodywork). Here on the Green Isle, the field is still quite fresh, with only a handful of certified practitioners on the entire island. With that, a large part of my work here these last years has been gently introducing folks to a modality that’s as radical and revolutionary as it is deeply human.
what is somatic sexology and sexological bodywork?
Somatic Sexology, also referred to as Somatic Sex education and Sexological bodywork is both erotic and therapeutic in nature. It’s designed to support people in cultivating a truly empowered relationship with their bodies, eroticism, and intimacy. It’s not only about sensual or sexual touch, though touch may at times be a part of the experience. It’s about becoming literate in your own eroticism, learning to attune to the intricacies of your body’s responses, discovering authentic pathways to pleasure, exploring what truly satisfies you and how to express that in benefical ways that honour your needs, boundaries and desires. While some clients seek out this work to address pain or dysfunction in the pelvis or genitals, others come to feel more confident in voicing their needs and clarifying their wants. At it’s core, this work is about creating space for the authentic expression of your erotic self, creating a safe space for education, healing, and self-discovery. It’s about supporting individuals in overcoming sexual pain, shame, or disconnection, and guiding them towards more intimate, deeply fulfilling relationships (with self at the centre)
Somatic Sexology is a field that bridges holistic sex education, bodywork, somatic psychology, neuroscience and erotic mindfulness. It’s about learning to inhabit your body as an erotic being, on your own terms. Somatic Sexology isn’t talk therapy, however it does involve conversation, storytelling, and self inquiry, with an emphasis on being embodied and client-led with consent and curiosity at the centre that invites your whole self into the room.
Skin, breath, pelvis, heart, stories, sensations, silence, pleasure, pain, and possibility and everything in between.
We’re often taught to think more about how sex looks instead of how it feels. In Somatic Sexology we turn that on its head and focus on the felt senses. What does it feel like to inhabit your body? What sensations do you notice? What’s your relationship to pleasure?
This work creates a place where your body finally gets to speak its truth… and you learn the skills to truly listen. As Joseph Kramer Ph.d., founder of Sexological Bodywork, says “When we bring awareness to the erotic body, we step into the sacred. We become artists of sensation, sculptors of consciousness.” According to the association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers (ACSB), Sexological Bodywork is “somatic education that assists individuals, couples, and groups to deepen their experience and awareness of their body, eroticism, and sexuality” (Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, n.d.-a, para. 1). Somatic Sexology acknowledges something our culture too often forgets, that pleasure is a birthright, not a luxury. “Erotic energy IS life energy,” says Kramer.
At its core, this work is about supporting people of all genders, sexualities, ages, and life experiences to heal from shame, expand their capacity for joy, deepen their eand discover their own erotic authenticity.
what really happens in a somatic sexology session?
No two sessions are ever alike, but most will include some combination of;
Verbal coaching: Exploring desires, boundaries, stuck points, nagivating stories, self-inquiry, reflections and questions.
Somatic education: Learning how your nervous system, breath, arousal patterns, and body all interact.
Hands-on or hands-in bodywork (with full consent): This could include breathwork, pelvic mapping, scar tissue remediation, or erotic touch techniques (always within the bounds of legal and ethical practice).
Guided practices: Movement, sounding, self-touch, embodiment exercises, co-regulation or partnered dynamics.
This work is not about performance. It’s not about ‘getting’ or ‘having orgasms’ (although you might, fingers crossed) and it’s most certain not about “fixing” you. In Somatic Sexology we view the body as wise and nothing is broken. As Jack Morin, Ph.D., author of The Erotic Mind, beautifully wrote, “Satisfying sex is not about technique. It's about presence, connection, and feeling free enough to be fully yourself.” At it’s core that is what the work of Somatic Sexology invites, a softening into self, and a coming home.
why work with a somatic sexologist?
“We use the body as a learning space.” as Joseph Kramer Ph.d. says, this means our body becomes the classroom. With this folks show up to my practice with a host of struggles, desires and hopes. The beauty of this work is that it’s nuanced, wonderfully adaptive and can address a range of challenges by meeting the body as a playground and living science experiment.
Most commonly I see folks because they’re experiencing:
Disconnection from their body or libido
Genital pain, numbness, or trauma
Scar tissue in the pelvis or gentials from medical surgery, gender affirming surgeries, circumcision, implant/explant, labiaplasty, laproscopic procedures, cesareans, birth tears and more
Shame or confusion around desires
Struggling with body acceptance
Challenges connecting intimately with people or partners
Navigating desire discrepancies in relationships
Wanting to expand erotic pleasure or learn new tools
Curiosity about kink, power, intimacy, or sensuality
Finding themselves in a plateau with cogitive based talk-therapies and feeling like it’s time to explore their body
Feeling like “there’s more” to eroticism and embodiment and they’re ready to discover what that might be
how many sessions does the process typically take?
I wish that I could give folks a diffenitive outline of how long and how many sessions it takes, but this work is structured to the invidual and whatever they show up with, moment-by-moment. It varies, every person’s journey is unique. I typically begin with a 20 minute discovery call session to explore compatibility, because this is intimate work, and mutual trust is absolutely essential. From there, we do an 90 minute introductory session to map what it is you are wanting to explore with more depth. Most clients work with me for a minimum of three months, and some have continued for years. The form and frequency may shift over time, from coaching to hands-on work or more nuanced explorations of sexual wellness and erotic wholeness.
pleasure as practice, not goal
Unlike mainstream narratives that center sex and tend to emphasize goals orgasms, stamina, performance, climax and appearances. Somatic Sexology flips the script and invites us to slow way down. To feel more, not do more. To follow what’s real, not what’s expected. This work isn’t about fixing you. It’s about reclaiming what was always yours, sensation, connection, creativity, choice, erotic innocence. As Jack Morin reminds us, “The most powerful erotic experiences occur when we are both aroused and emotionally safe.” And that’s the sweet spot of Somatic Sexology… arousal + safety = deep transformation.
Sex is not about performance, it’s about presence. Presence with ourselves first and foremost. It’s not about doing more. It’s about feeling more.
This is a practice, not a product. A remembering and a way home to ourselves, as Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind, reminds us, “Satisfying sex is not about technique. It’s about presence, connection, and feeling free enough to be fully yourself.”
what if it’s awkward? what if I laugh or cry or fart?
Perfect! That means you’re human. Somatic work holds space for all of it.
You might laugh. You might cry. You might feel pleasure, grief, numbness, anger, or bliss.
There’s room for all of it. Somatic Sexology creates a space where your erotic self (often silenced or compartmentalized) can come forward with all its complexity, beauty, and mystery. Sometimes, healing looks like giggling during a breath practice. Sometimes, it looks like naming a boundary you’ve never spoken aloud. Sometimes, it looks like finally feeling something after years of disconnection.
True sexual wellness and erotic aliveness, is not about being sexy, it’s about being real. That’s where the magic lives.
what is your advice for finding a somatic sexologist / sexological bodyworker in your area?
If you’re interested in working with a certified somatic sexologist or certified sexological bodyworker, I recommend starting with the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers directory. This field has a strong code of ethics, which is essential for ensuring safety and professionalism in such vulnerable territory. If you can’t find someone near you or if their schedule is full, don’t hesitate to ask for referrals or seek out practitioners that offer virtual sessions.
can I explore this work on my own?
Yes. Ultimately my intention if for you to have the skills and resources to do this all on your own. While there is immense value in working with a practitioner, private sessions are not the only path. Sexual wellness is about reawakening the erotic in your daily life, through touch, presence, breath, play, and authentic expression. Experiment and get curious. Let go of the idea that there’s one right way to be sensual, sexual or to live an erotic, pleasure-filled life. Your eroticism is far more nuanced and complex than what pop culture or modern sex education has taught you and your erotic life is yours to reclaim.
my final thoughts, erotic aliveness is a skillset
Like dancing, cooking, or meditation, erotic embodiment is something you can learn, unlearn, and relearn. It’s not a mystery, it’s a practice and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you're navigating healing, exploring kink, recovering libido, deepening intimacy with a partner, or just curious about what’s possible in your pleasure, Somatic Sexology offers a grounded, heart-centered path towards greater erotic aliveness, embodiment, and wholeness.
There is no one right way to do this work. There is only your way.
Somatic Sexology isn’t a quick fix or a magic pill, but it can be a doorway into greater pleasure, trust, embodiment, and erotic intelligence.
If you’ve ever wondered what your body might say if it could speak…
If you’ve ever longed to feel more, love deeper, reclaim pleasure on your terms…
If you’re ready to show up for your whole self, with tenderness and curiosity…
Then maybe it’s time to step into the room.
Your body already knows. Let’s listen together. If you’re curious about booking a session or want to learn more, reach out. I’d love to help you explore what’s possible when pleasure and presence come together.
